So I JUST left my house.... like just

Turned off my road, to the right, and was going around that turn-y thing that gets entirely awful in the winter. (I know not to go on it one the way back home, but didn't think when i was leaving to go meet up with my religious studies group)And first I slid to the left, countered it, to the right, tried to counter and slid straight into the ditch. between some trees, avoiding most of the bigger ones. my first words? "WELL FUCK!"

Somehow I wedged myself right up nest to this probably two inch width tree? Got out and peeked at the damage. Compleaaaaattteelllyyyy took off my passenger mirror and a big dent (without any scratching) on the back door passenger side. About five cars stopped and asked if I was alright, needed to use a phone etc. including the old man who lived up the driveway (apparently I made a huge noise? I have no idea. O.o) before I even dialed my mum. she was walking the dog and I waved at her literally 2 minutes before. Dad was coming home for lunch from work, and had just given me an earful the night before about slowing down and being careful on the roads (and for the record! I wasn't going very fast at all). Several more cars, including my neighbors, a snowmobile, and a mailman stopped and asked questions before mum got there. She and I we sitting and waiting for my dad to come and be a man about the mess (because i would have gotten out myself if it had not been for several large logs placed there last winter keeping me from moving). Cars that saw us and didn't stop, definitely slowed down, slipping in the same way i did, one of them even almost sliding into me! SO FRIGHTENING!


My dad still hadn't shown up (he was still driving home) When his CUTE CUTE CUUUUUTE guy in a blue truck didn't stop and say anything, but pulled into the driveway, turned around, and situated himself to pull me out. He popped out the door and said all dreamy-like: "Hey, I'm Joel, and I'm here to save you."

CAN YOU SAY MELT AT MY KNEES AND GOOFY SMILE??????????? I turned to goo on the spot. Clean cut blond (even though I got more for darker hair) smelled AMAZING, and listening to quiet country music (also not my type), but just plain sexy. XD He pulled a tow rope out of the back of his truck bed, but it turned out to be frozen, so I rode with him to my moms car and got an unfrozen one, came back and he hooked me up and pulled me out. More damage was done being pulled out and scrapping against the tree again, 3 more dents all along the passenger side. Mum and I said thank you, and then he left SO QUICKLY!!!!!! >.<


Sorry trees. Thank you cute-guy-named-joel for saving me.

My outsides feel warm, heated, burning floods, radiation. Can't you feel that? I'm sure you can; why else would you be watching? Be cautious, your vision may catch fire when you catch my nerves. Fearful Spaceman, my insides are arctic cold. Remains of voyagers are scattered, you can't see their dusty bodies left behind. The dry heat turned them to ash before their own heat could melt my heart.

An ice block, I wait patiently, no! Impatiently! MOVE GODDAMN YOU!
Move before I spit real fire, taste flame in cheek and swallow your tongue alive!

Please wait, dear Spaceman, I won't really.
A wall of heat, a barricade, is only to satisfy tepid tempers.

You still sit there watching me.... but do more then watch, I'll eat your eyes.

I'm in a mayfield.


What's the significance of seeing a pinkish peach colored cloud in your dreams?
it was kind of wispy, not really there.


The sun was covered up by another cloud that was bulky and ferocious.


The very outer edge was lined in a thin pink tint.


And there was a wispy black moon that sat over the lake.


The cloud bird wanted to go to the lake, but the moon wouldn't let it.


Why won't the moon let the bird pass?

I find myself in that space in time where I'm both young and old. Responsibility and freedom beckoning, longing for carefree gasps of air, polution infused and all, just to be sure its real. Time is greedy, but everyone askes for more. You can never quite place your finger on it because time has no placement. An emense blanket oozing in and out of every crevice of life, the escape is the stop of a heartbeat. But the selfish greed of human nature strives to be conflicted, both spinning faster and grasping the wisps of tailcoats of times past. Love is to wait for, but the feeling you want to last forever. He promised with a ring and a kiss, yet fears the unknown twists time channels in a spiral slide, ever tilting steeper. Frictioned claws screaming that time betrayed you so, scratching with failed attemps to climb back up the slippery shoot. Time is not a judge to be wavered by mercy or hatred. It cannot differentiate the deserving from the dawn. Above all, time seems to be steady. A pacemaker. A mental ease of dependace. All the slides man are made objects of thought. Never does it slow or speed. Constant, unknown to age or space.


I had a dream about a warehouse. I mix between backstage theater goodies, and antique store and lurking happy people. I got lost in the lamp section. Underneith a dusty chandelier, I hugged my knees tight. Costume dresses and fur coats danced around the corner and I was afraid to leave the browns and grays of shelves and celings. I was lost in the stained glass dust around me.

I have somewhat of an aftertaste from the blunt end in life. A good wack in the face to remind me not everyones living on sunshine and a bag of lemonheads. Optimism and ignorance came back to bite me in the ass and now I'm brusied for it. The urge to melt into a shameless puddle and slip away through the vents and cracks in the wall, no matter where I turn up, is more appeling then it should be. Isnt everyone looking to be happy(er) then they are now? Or even happier then those around them, bragging right I suppose? It even overrides the major motives in life. Love, aspirations, and sex. We strive to find love becasue we think relationships will bring us happiness (or at least the thought that it makes the other happy). What you wish to be in life isnt really want you want in the first place. People dont want to be rich to be rich, but they want to be rich because of the hope that it might bring happiness. Same reasoning goes for fame. Oh and sex? My apologies to Mr. Freud but the conscious mind is whats going to drive us to intelligence. If we truly left with only the unconscious mind (as I believe some of us might be) we would be content with fucking like bunnies as our only motive. Ahh but my favorite, curiosity played its role and let people realize there is more to life then shapes and colors. That things are things by reason or fate. Cause and effect. Therefore striving for happiness. The invisbile description of happiness is so personal, but then how can you explaine the need to compaire and copy they who are enved? Isn't that the million dollar question. And people still don't find happiness. Those are the sad lonely cases in which they've stopped deciding to try. I believe, even if you are morbidly depressesed, there is some underlining of happy. Or at least the hope that it will look better in the end. But there is a fine line between happiness and a mask of optimisim.

pip pip cherrio.